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INHIBITED SEXUAL DESIRE: WHAT IS NORMAL-FOR YOU? COUPLES PROBLEMS AND DIFFICULTIES At first, Andrea and Paul did not pay much attention to the fact that they were having sex less often than they had in the past. However, once they realized that they were having it once a month at most, they were shocked, and, like many other couples in the same situation, began counting the days when they did not have sex and critiquing their performance when they did. Alarmed by the infrequency and mediocrity of their lovemaking, they approached the problem as they would any other. They applied time management principles, synchronized their schedules around predetermined lovemaking sessions, read books, and attempted new techniques they hoped would stir up more passion. But no matter what they did, Andrea and Paul could not alter the fact that they had sex less often than they thought they should. They observed that they were not as "good" at it as they believed they were supposed to be, and neither partner enjoyed or looked forward to sex as much as they had earlier in their; relationship. When they first came to us for help, they were frantic about a sex life that was not what it used to be. The thrill was goneand both were secretly terrified that their entire relationship would soon go with it. Andrea and Paul experienced unrealistic expectations about what sex should be like and felt like failures because they could not live up to their own standards. You may be caught in this double bind too, especially when it comes to the issue of how often you should be having sex. *21\261\8* Men's Health-Erectile Dysfunction
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Pharmacy Information
BIRTH CONTROL: ABSTINENCE The dictionary definition of abstinence is "self-denial; an abstaining from the gratification of appetite." Obviously, sexual abstinence in marriage should be mutually agreeable; otherwise, it becomes merely "spouse-denial." Since human beings are equipped with intricate and complex mechanisms for the purpose both of experiencing and gratifying sexual appetites, abstinence would seem to be in opposition to human nature. Indeed, the practice of abstinence in marriage as a method of birth control might very well cause people to question the advisability of marriage itself. There are those advocates of abstinence who base their arguments on Freud's theory of sublimation. They go only so far as to point out that sexual urges may be sublimated and expressed in socially acceptable and beneficial ways. They do not explain that sublimation is an unconscious process, and that, even then, total sublimation cannot be achieved. There is no empirical evidence, furthermore, that sublimation of biological drives can really be accomplished. As a matter of fact, a conscious attempt to sublimate sexual urges can result in such psychological malfunctions as frigidity, impotence, inability to concentrate, irritability, and insomnia; or in such physical problems as premature ejaculation, difficulty in achieving erection, prostatitis, ovarian and vulval congestion, and decreased sex drive. Voluntary abstinence is less damaging to the normal functioning of the organism than is involuntary abstinence. In any event, normal sexual urges can find relatively harmless outlets, such as nocturnal emissions for men and nocturnal orgasms for women. There are, of course, occasions when abstinence becomes a matter of consideration of one's spouse or oneselffor example, during an illness, during late pregnancy, immediately after childbirth, and to avoid contracting or spreading venereal disease. Even in these cases, the partner not physically involved may wish to have some sexual outlet, whether by engaging in such acts as oral or manual stimulation with the spouse, or by self-stimulation. Abstinence before marriage is, in general, highly esteemed by our society. This sanction is founded in biblical proscriptions against premarital sexual relations, and on the romantic notion that it is good for marriage partners to have their first sexual experience together. Some sociological studies would seem to indicate that sexual adjustment in marriage may actually be more successful when husband or wife, or both, have had previous sexual experience, but other studies do not support these findings. *20\300\2* Men's Health Erectile Dysfunction |
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